me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize