glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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