he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
