Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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