Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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