I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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