I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
