Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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