Me too!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
