i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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