guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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