Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
