whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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