You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
