4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
