Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
