When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Say something about gay babies.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
