I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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