I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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