i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
