sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
