We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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