areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
