Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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