she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
