I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
