By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
