You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
