I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
