awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
