I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
