Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
