careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
