i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
