The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
