This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
