i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
