my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
