I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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