Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
