I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize