All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
