What did we do last night that was yellow?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
