hell yes lets make some ravioli
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
