i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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