I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
