areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
