I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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