i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
