Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
