i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
