This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
