So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
