I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
