I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looked like the before picture.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
