I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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