i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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