Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its not stalking. its research.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
