But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
