Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
