I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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