How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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