Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Randomize
