I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
