You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
