I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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