Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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