I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize