Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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