the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize