The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
