FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
