There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize