Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
